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| My boyfiend has been separated from his wife for little over 1 year,He is going to get a divorce this upincoming income tax.They have two kids together and the live with us,My boyfriend his name is Ken always tell me he only keeps in communication with her for the sake of the kids,But she calls him at least twice a week with requests to be picked up cause she dont want to wait on the bus, Or calls to have Ken pick her up and take her clear across town to her new boyfriends house,She request to be taking to the store to shop for food,He's admitted that she texts him at work sometimes with stuff like Hi! She has insulted me to him because I changed my hair color to blonde and she's blonde she told him I am a pretend blonde and reminded him that she is a natural blonde.She told him she thinks i changed my hair color to replace her,Am I crazy to assume she should not even think on those lines the relationship is over and this minute to minute report on his goings and comings is a sign she's still trying to be the #1Lady in his life, Don't get me wrong but she has to learn to back off and be more independant,If this was once a month take me somewhere cause I don't have a car o.k. but he acts as if he's still responsible for her,Why am I scared she will steal him back or once the divorce is final they will start messing around again.feel free to email me directly if your feedback is rated R. |
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| RE: Am I living a lie. |
By : Pamela Date/time : October 9, 2009 10:26am |
How much do you trust your boyfriend? Really? Because it seems to me that you don't trust him too much- obviously, you came to the INTERNET of all places searching for answers.
However, I could be wrong. If you think you trust him enough to get over it, then do just that. Stop worrying about it. It could be that he's so used to having to support her in certain areas that he barely even realizes it's affecting you. I mean, he even tells you what's going on, that she texts him and calls him. He's trying to be open with you and it sounds like he's not exactly hiding anything. I don't think you should be worried.
If you really want, talk it out with him. Let him know that you think he spends too much of his time taking care of her. If he cares about you, he'll let her know that she needs to get her new man to chaperone her.
Good luck. |
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| RE: Am I living a lie. |
By : kim Date/time : October 10, 2009 6:48am |
| hi if u keep worrying about ur boyfriend seeing his soon to be exwife then u should talk to him about it |
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| RE: Am I living a lie. |
By : Tammy Date/time : October 16, 2009 4:38am |
| Can you explain the living arrangements a little better? How old r u and Ken? This sounds like a disaster on so many levels, or it could be the best thing ever. Need more backround try to only state the facts leave your emotions out. |
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| RE: Am I living a lie. |
By : Francesca Date/time : October 16, 2009 7:09pm |
Thank you, All for responding to this topic: Pamela ,I believe you to be a honest, To the point person who has the ability to see all angles.I will WRITE HIM A LETTER TO TAKE TO WORK WITH HIM TO READ ON HIS LUNCH HOUR.I'm terrible with face to face interaction.
Kim,Thank you for responding to my topic.You also are a wise person .I really need to work on talking to him because in the past he always seemed preoccupied with something and comes across annoyed that I am making him be serious.I forgot to tell you he jokes from the moment he wakes up to the minute he falls asleep at night he loves pulling pranks and likes to call me on the other phone even if he is in the next room.
Tammy,I cam appeciate you needing more info to judge the situation,That tells me you really think things out before you react.My living arrangement, is I occupy the house his daddy left him in his will with him his two children 14year old and 17year old,And his sister.We are the only ones in this house who share a room,His Ex lives about 15 miles away in her own apartment and her new boyfriend lives in a house with a male roommate clear across town, Neither one of them have a car.And she asks my man to take her all the way across town,She won't even offer gas money and he don't seem to mind it,Everytime I brought up the subject that he should ask for gas money ,He goes on and on about her being on SSI and that she don't have any money to spare. And I am a Full-Time Student, I AM NOT EMPLOYED,My day is school,Home ,Clean,Study,And sleep,Our sex life could use some help he's unexperienced with making love but he's great for losing weight, Our ages are I am 36years old He is 44 years old but life has taken it's toll on him and he looks about 55years old. Ladies I got a National Enquire the other day and today I went to the page for spiritual healers that sort of thing .I got a free reading from two different Healers,And they said the same thing, That there are people in our life who would rather die than see us succeed in this relationship.So just about a hour ago I emailed his phone with this information that was given to me from these two different healers and I used that as a way to break the ice and told him even if he don't believe in stuff like this ,That I really feel touched by these healers because they said everything that I know in my heart is true and they explained my feelings at this time in our current situation. Sorry Ladies I've TAKEN SO LONG TO RESPOND BACK TO YOU'S. Thank you for you much needed advice. |
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| RE: Am I living a lie. |
By : Samantha Date/time : October 17, 2009 11:35pm |
 How long have they been married? She obviously seems old enough where she should be getting a job and a car to be more independent and if shes one of those needy women then she has a new man for all that BS shes running your man around for. I think the best thing would be to talk it out or even if you're close to his sister maybe you can kinda ask her how she thinks he would respond? |
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| RE: Am I living a lie. |
By : Francesca Date/time : October 20, 2009 6:04pm |
| Hello Samantha,They have been married going on 19 years.The reason she doesn't have a job is because she will lose her SSI(SOCIAL SECURITY INSURANCE). The way she has it set up now she will get a check for the rest of her life,If I understand what's going on,She has a mental condition he tells me about and she was in a car accident whitch has her eyes cross eyed and she walks with a side sliding way that if you didn't know her you would claim she's mentally retarded.I'M NOT MAKING FUN OF HER BUT I CAN TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE AND ACTS LIKE.I have voiced my concerns to his sister and she says Sherry( his wife )will never move back to this house and they don't get alone. I have voiced my insecurities to him and he says ,"Sherry would not come back to me cause she would lose her checks, She would have to report his income,Or he says she has Erin(That's Her Boyfriend currently) But what hurts me is he never says I have you now I don't want her anymore,Or I'm in Love with you now that's history, His statements always begin with She wouldn't,wont,never just a firm statement telling me how he feels in this matter. I even told him that I think if Sherry wanted him back he would drop me like it's hot.Still his reply is But she don't want to be in this marriage,She wants her freedom. I secretly think he has me cause he don't want to be alone. So because I can only control what I do,I will start making arrangements to be on my own again,Because as flaky as she is she could change her mind in no time,And I'm out on my a.s,I didn't tell you this but about 2 months after I moved in, Sherry left a message on his voice mail and he thought it was a invitation to get back together.At that time I acted big and said well if you are getting back together with her then let me sleep on the couch tonight and you can take me to the shelter tomorrow.He said o.k. told me a whole song and dance that while I had been in his home he felt I brought his family back together and all that BS stuff. I settled down on the couch for the night all pack had said my goodbyes to his kids and he comes in the living room and says He miss understood her message and that she told him she did not want to get back together. Guess what he said to me.He said he wants me to stay. Samantha I stayed forgave him and sold out on myself, You know I should have walked away that night.Any Women who cares about there self would have rationalized that he chose another women. He didn't even try to lie to me that night when I told him that I was hurt that he could within a hour dump me and come crawling back and what made matters worst he has never said he was sorry for putting me through that, So now we have been together 7 months 10/31/09 at the end of this month, And deep down in my heart I always feel she comes first in his heart. He claims it's only for the kids and his face lights up when she calls him on the phone, He can't wait to go to her apartment and sit in the big chair and socialize , She has insulted me several times so I don't step foot in her home. But he thinks i should excuse every mean thing she says about me or action such as squeezing up her face at me and sucking in her mouth when I'm in the car with him and her And last week I caught him in the car at 6:30am in the morning and I went out there he was looking guilty and after lie after lie he came clean he was on a phone chatline listening to women callers.He claims he was only on it a minute but how can you trust a sneaky,man who would rather lie to you than tell the truth. Samantha just writing you has made me see it's time I pick myself off the floor and make my life what I know I want either stay single and heal awhile and trust mother fate that my true soul mate will come without baggage,without doubt in his mind that he wants me to be that Special One in his life.I can't continue to live this way.Why stay cause I don't want to be homeless or do without for awhile ,or struggle ,or drop out of school, those are are temporary hurdles to overcome. I believe my mental state of mind will improve and I will gain back my self respect, respect for self. I also think, I better walk away before more history is made with him. Honestly I'm ashamed that I have allowed myself to be treated this way.That I have tolerated being second best.I have never in the past before him put up with this kind of sh.t .Home girl believe me I know what true Love feels like and this is not it.I would like to finish school maybe we can change our relationship to friends with benefits so I will know I can have fun with him but a long term future is not him.What do you think,And do you have any suggestions on a smooth transition out of here.Please Respond Back.I have no Friends to talk to and I have no social outings.I want to go to a club and see where I still stand, I haven't been in a club in over 10 years. |
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| RE: Am I living a lie. |
By : Michelle Date/time : October 20, 2009 9:11pm |
| Does he pay you? I ask this because it seems like he needs a nanny and part-time comforter when it's convenient. You are right. You should not let yourself be treated in a manner that you are not comfotable with or deserve. A man who was sure of his love for you would not put you on the couch or be on chat lines unless you were both on them together. I'm not saying that he doesn't or that he is not a good man, but he needs to resolve some issues. To thine ownself be true. Educate yourself. Don't let anyone stop you. Your eteem will pick up in a way that you realize that the inadequacies in the relationship that you allow yourself to keep enduring are trivial so much that you'd segway with ease.Live on campus if possible or look into financial aid that would benefit you where you can live on your own, if that's what you need for now. A person sometimes likes to hear what they mean to a person. If you're not sure of what that is , then what kind of relationship is this. By the way I also receive SSI due to a medical condition which is sometimes very disabling. But guess what? The government has set limits on how much money recipients can earn on their own without losing their benefits. It is possible to work and receive benefits but until they (your friend and his ex-wife)get it or care about it, I'm sorry sister you might be stuck in this cycle and life is too short. Pray yourself, breathe, make a decision and live. I did. That's why I'm still here and happy. |
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| RE: Am I living a lie. |
By : crystal Date/time : October 22, 2009 3:40pm |
| I understand what he is saying about still being in her life cause the kids. I was married before for 11 years and got married again. I still talk with my ex husband and call him just to see how the kids are doing. But ur boyfriend should not being taking her places without u with him. When my ex takes me to the store my new husband is always with me.U should talk to him about taking u along sometimes if he isn,t hiding anything. |
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